Don’t Touch Me — I’m In A Flare

A while back I had got a very bad letter in the mail, which caused extreme stress and you guessed it caused my gastroparesis to flare.  I was highly nauseated, ready to vomit at any moment and the pain in my gut was torture.  All from reading a stupid letter.

I waited for my husband to get home from work so we could ‘deal’ with the letter issue.  Basically I as denied unemployment because they felt I was too sick to look for work.  I am, but wanted to work a PT job.  Anyway, not having my job or unemployment crippled our family.  I could not pay the bills.  There was no thought of going to a doctor now or paying for medication.  I couldn’t even feed me and that’s saying something (since I live off of soup and smoothies).

I was crying and shaking by the time he got home.  I don’t know if it was the flare or the news.  Yet I think I processed the news and it was that my body hurt so bad I just wanted to curly up and lay there forever.

bed with clock

My husband could only see how upset I was and gave me a big hug.  He forgot in that moment about my GP and I almost vomited in the sink as he did so.  I pushed him away and he seemed to get the hint as I headed to the bathroom.

That night was the worst ever.  Like I said, I just wanted to be a pool of flesh in the bed … alone.  In a flare my clothes and even the sheet bug the heck out of me!  No matter what I did he was trying to hold me.  I would flip is arm away and it would find it’s way back, I would push him and he didn’t roll over.  In all of this he wouldn’t wake up.  Ugg!!   I had 1 hour left until he got up to go to work, or I was going to the couch.

When he got home that night, I told him about what I went through the night before in bed.  He said all he knew to do to ‘help’ me was to hold me and make it all better.  Great?!  How could I be mad at that?!   I told him how sick I felt and that I appreciate him wanting to hold me ( to make it better) but it just makes it worse during a flare.  I gently tried to tell him so that I didn’t hurt his feelings.  Yet I didn’t want to keep it from him and let him think it was okay next time I went through this.

I am so lucky to have him in my life and don’t want to push him away.  I am sure he must feel neglected, yet when I ask he says he his fine.  On good days, he knows he is loved!

It is very difficult to balance GP and your significant other.   All I can suggest is to be open and honest with each other.


2 responses to this post.

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