I Was Very Bad – Stupid Emotions

After the bad GI Dr visit (Part 1 here — Part 2 here), I was very upset.  I know how I feel and it feels like gastroparesis, just like my first GI Dr diagnosed me with from the 2 hr GES test.   But now this GI Dr will not diagnose me with it until I have a 4 hr GES test.

Unfortunately what I focused on when I got home was how she didn’t think I had GP, but rather something neurological.

I was so tired when I got home, I watched my couple of favorite tv shows and then took a nap.  2 hours later I woke, still upset and now needing something to eat.  Since I didn’t feel good (GP wise), I wasn’t hungry but hadn’t ate anything all day.   So, what do I reach for?  A smoothie?  Soup?  No and No.

My mind went to, ‘what can I eat that is high in fat and high in fiber?’, ‘if I don’t have gp then it will not matter what I eat’.   Not a good thought.   I wished my husband was home and he could have stopped this self destruct.   I made something very bad for me and in a very large amount.  The amount that I would have eaten, pre-gp.   Then looked at it one last time before I dove in!  I never had a second thought.  When tears ran down my face, I should have stopped.  It wasn’t from the physical pain, but the emotional pain of that stupid GI Dr meeting.

The thoughts of how I held her so high on a pedestal and how hurt I was with today.   How could any Dr do that?  But I knew the answer to that.  My 1st GI Dr was that way, yet I still think she was a little worse.

For some reason the meal did not hit me as bad as I expected.  I really didn’t have any other heightened issues from eating that.   Then that part worried me.  Maybe I don’t have GP, since I didn’t have the reaction I was expecting.   Then the past came flooding in.  Why was I not throwing up as much as I was when I was first diagnosed.  Am I getting better?  I didn’t think so.  None of my family thinks so.  So, what is wrong with me?

I was on the fence to decide if I wanted the GES test done, as it could effect my disability claim down the road.  But with all of these thoughts in my head, I have given in and will go do the test.

In now way am I recommending that you go off of your GP ‘diet’ and have a food-frenzy as I did.  That action could land you in ER.   I am sorry that I did it. Yet happy for it, as it helped me decide what I need to do next in my medical journey.

Burst of Happiness = bathroom cookie toss

The last few days have been very nerve racking to say the least.   We needed to get a final house inspection.  Since the moron didn’t complete the paperwork back in 2006 when we purchased the home and repairs were done before our lender would sign off.   Amazed, that after my husband coming almost unglued in the guys office, we paid their fee of $200 and ordered the dang inspection.  This was on a Friday and they didn’t know when they could come out, but would schedule something with us next week, sometime.  I assumed this process was going to take about 2 – 3 weeks.  However to our amazement on Monday we got a call and the same person from before was going to come out that same day.  Now I knew this was not going to go well.  How could it?  My husband had just yelled at him a few days ago and told him it was not our problem he could not do his job correctly.  The guy seemed fine when he was here.   He was of that mind set to only speak with the person in the house waring the pants, but besides that fact, we did okay.  He worked with us and said he would have something together to give to our Realtor the next day (Tue).  Tue came and went and it still was not done.  Now today is Wed and I got a call from the Realtor who said he got a hold of said guy and he is working on it and would have it done very soon.  That was 8am and I didn’t see the report until 3pm.  Wow, government people sure work slow!  I could even do that job!!  Anyway, the report was then sent to the lender and the lender (hugs to them) looked at it then and there.   They were happy and the paperwork is being finalized to be sent off to the closing office for our signatures (Friday).  

When my Realtor was telling me all this I was so overcome with joy, happiness that I started to puke!  So happy I was on the phone with him and not in person.  All I could hear on the other end was, “Are you okay?!”.    I tried to regain composure to close the conversation and hit the toilet again. 

High emotions one way or the other is not a good thing with Gastroparesis, so I have been finding out!

I called my husband and we decided we had time to meet up at the new apartment place to sign the application.  On my way there it was rush hour traffic.  I can only thank God that I didn’t puke then too.  It was so very close a few times and I had to swallow it down.   If anybody has ever been in this boat, you know what I mean and we don’t wish that on anybody!  Yuck!!

Apartment is signed, we have a load in the truck of boxes to take tomorrow morning and all is well.  Now off to a good nights sleep (probably not, but thought I should close that way).